Online Socializing: Safer Than You Think?

By Tara Parker-Pope
Teen social networks may be more beneficial than parents think. (Don Hogan Charles/The New York Times)

To many parents, Web sites like My Space and Facebook are a threat, a door open to the outside world that lets strangers into homes. But the benefits of online interaction may far outweigh the risks.

A commentary in this month’s Journal of Adolescent Research notes that networking sites provide teens with opportunities to develop social and communication skills and to bridge racial and ethnic divides. These benefits often are overlooked by parents worried that adult predators are lurking online.

“We may do adolescents a disservice when we curtail their participation in these spaces, because the educational and psychosocial benefits of this type of communication can far outweigh the potential dangers,” writes Brandesha Tynes, an educational psychologist at the University of Illinois who authored the commentary.

In her article “Internet Safety Gone Wild?,” Dr. Tynes suggests some parents may be going overboard. While teens need to be warned about “digital dangers” like adult predators, parents also need to consider the benefits of spending time in online settings, she argues. These sites provide a chance to augment critical thinking and argumentation skills, she says. Online, kids find support from peer groups, get help with homework and talk about sensitive issues they might be too embarrassed or afraid to discuss face-to-face.

Discussions of race and ethnicity are common online, Dr. Tynes adds. In one study of open-topic chat rooms, race was mentioned in 38 of 39 discussions. At a time when schools are increasingly segregated, Dr. Tynes says educators may want to encourage online interactions as a substitute for racial interactions that no longer occur in classrooms or hallways.

Tech-savvy teens already are aware that online socializing can generate unwelcome advances in cyberspace, she says. Parents should talk to kids about privacy settings and how to deal with unwanted attention online.

While online social groups shouldn’t replace real-world socializing, Dr. Tynes claims that parents need to rethink its value. The Internet may sometimes be a better way for teens to prepare for the adult social world, because they can do it “in the safety of their own homes.”

Comments are no longer being accepted.

Elizabeth November 8, 2007 · 2:07 pm

Just wondering what Tara Parker-Pope’s credentials to be the face and avatar of wellness and health are?

Eds note: I certainly wouldn’t describe myself that way (and I had to look up ‘avatar.’) I’m a journalist, and I’m also a parent and an individual who, like my readers, has an interest in health. I’ve written about health for nearly a decade and am lucky to work for a newspaper that gives me the opportunity to speak to some of the top minds in the field. I wrote about health for the Wall Street Journal for nine years before recently joining the New York Times. My job is to share medical information with readers and give them access to the same medical journals, research and experts to which I have access. As a parent, concerned about my own child’s computer use, I found this article in the Journal of Adolescent Research particularly interesting and thought it was worthwhile to share with readers. Thanks for taking the time to comment. tpp

Rebecca Ryan Hunter November 8, 2007 · 5:41 pm

You know, the thing about social networking and teens is, it isn’t going anywhere. Parents who think they can ignore it and it will go away are deliberately burying their heads in the sand.

They can, instead, look to social networks and learn what they are doing, why their kids are there, where there are good sites, and use it as a tool to help their kids grow. Some of them are even educational in nature.

My grandparents thought if they turned off Ed Sullivan, Elvis would go away. He didn’t. And neither will Facebook. Might as well accept it and see what we can do to use it to challenge our kids.

Menno Aartsen November 9, 2007 · 12:32 am

“While online social groups shouldn’t replace real-world socializing” is an understandable, but mistaken, categorization. Online socializing, like cellphone text messaging, is fully real-world – it involves other people, and is, especially to the adolescent, simply another way of communing, as valid and real as going to the mall. Young people are even developing new language offshoots to make optimal use of the new media, and communicate emotions and feelings in novel ways.

Menno Aartsen
Fredericksburg, VA
//aartsen.net

Donna Lee November 9, 2007 · 1:28 am

Real life social interaction and internet social interaction are tremendously different.

Most online people are very impetuous with their words knowing that the probability of having to deal with the consequences of their actions is very low compared to that of real life. For instance, if a person uses extremely deragatory terms to describe others, in real life, he will either be regarded as a lunatic in our society and left out or he will have to face many angry people ready to confront him. But on the internet, all he will have to do is turn off the computer or log in with a different user’s name.

Also, on the internet, people can easily “block” those they don’t feel connected to. Whilst, that’s a great way to reduce stress in relationships, it can also lead people to degrade the value of relationships. In real life, people can’t just “block” those they dislike. Usually, they have to learn to appreciate them, which takes so much effort and patience.

Internet is not an advisable place to learn real life social skills. It’s always best to go out and experience the “real thing.”

Gregory A. Butler November 9, 2007 · 10:17 am

I’m glad SOMEBODY has challenged the anti-myspace hysteria!

Social networking sites are, on the whole, a positive influence on young adults. They get to meet people they would not encounter in their daily life, experiment with social roles in a safe setting and get to expand their social circle (which is always a good thing).

And yes, there is a sexual component to this – since physically and psychologically healthy adolescents are VERY sexual.

And yes, I mean adolescent young women too.

There’s a common myth that only teenage boys are into sex, and teenage girls are these precious virgins who would not get involved with sexuality without male coersion.

Anybody who’s ever had a conversation with a teenaged young woman and actually LISTENED knows this is not true.

In real life, the sexuality of young women is heavily restricted – by societal double standards, by parents who think it’s OK for a teenaged boy to be sexual but not a teenaged girl and by the reality that teenaged girls have to protect themselves from sexual violence (which usually comes not from strangers but from male relatives, friends and aquaintences).

But, online, these young women have a safe space where they’re free to explore their sexuality.

In a setting like myspace or facebook, they can figure out what sexual orientation they are (folks who don’t have a myspace page would be suprised how many young women come out of the closet online as a sort of dress rehersal for coming out in real life) and who they want to be sexual with.

Unlike in real life, online, if a guy who they’re not interested in comes on to them on their webpage, they can delete and block that person with just a couple of keystrokes (without fear of verbal, physical and/or sexual assault, which might happen if they rejected an unwanted male in real life).

Also, online, they can make the first move on a guy who they are attracted to, without the double standard-based social stigma that they would get if they did that in real life.

Now, I know this reality doesn’t fit in with the common Dateline NBC/To Catch A Predator/Stone Phillips-influenced view that teenage young women are merely objects of male sexuality, with no independent sexual will of their own – but it is a reality nonetheless.

Yes, there are older guys who hit on young women online (as there are in real life) – but, there are also young women who come on to older guys online too (just ask any man who has a myspace page), and, in any case, all a young woman has to do online to avoid unwanted advances is put her page on private and/or block the pages of the guys who are bothering her.

My advice to all those who what to REALLY know what teens are doing online-get a myspace page, and look around with an open mind.

Gregory A. Butler
//myspace.com/gregory10031

Gerald Martin November 9, 2007 · 11:13 am

I encouraged my son to get on myspace with his friends. I helped him set up his space initially, and then he just took off with it. He has learned so much about it. He is aware of the dangers that lurk out there, as I took the time to help him with it. I also have a myspace, and have him listed as a friend, so I can monitor what he is doing. That as a responsible parent, is what I did. I taught him, and he learns. We intereact and chat online at times…So for us, it is a bonding moment, and fun.

Wolf November 9, 2007 · 6:50 pm

I’m going to have to disagree on the differences being all that huge between online and offline friendships. Granted, I grew up with computers. But I met one of my best friends on the internet. We met seven years ago. Five years ago, I convinced my parents (I was a minor at the time) to let us meet in person. Her Mom came along. My parents came along. We all went out for dinner and had an awesome time. Since then, we’ve met up (in person) two or more times a year.

I don’t mean to offend, but I can tell from some of the comments who has never had a close friend from the internet in the same way I have or my friends have. I can’t make you believe it, but us in person and us online? Not different. She can still tell when I’m upset, even when I’m not typing anything out of the ordinary.

On blocking: Have I “blocked” people in the past that I had no intention of interacting with outside of the messageboard community I was a part of? Yes. I have blocked one person in seven years. Or, more accurately, I never gave him my new screen name and e-mail address and asked others not to tell him. It took him a good three years to figure it out. I can do this in real life too. The messageboard is a public space. I have to see him there. But instant messages? That’s a private space. It’s the same as not picking up if he calls, or refusing to make plans with him.

So, when you say it’s different, I really can’t see it. I’m a better person because I’ve met so many people on the internet. I have friends all over the world. I’ve hung out in person with people from Australia, England, Wales, Canada, Trinidad, the Philippines, and various places around the US. They give me a global perspective, and this seems like a good thing in our increasingly integrated world. To say our friendships and interactions are vastly different online and off would be a lie. Sure, we’re generally more excited to see each other in person as it’s more rare. We also had to spend ten or twenty minutes becoming accustomed to peoples’ personal-space-bubbles the first time we met (though I will admit my best friend blatantly ignores mine). But other than that? It’s not any different in my experiences.

Anne Godfrey November 9, 2007 · 7:21 pm

We just had a major confrontation with our 15 year old about language she was using on the internet and derrogatory comments she was laughing at thtat were targeted at her body. I agree that internet socialising is, for us, what disco was for our parents, but it seems to me that this is just too big for me. I can’t control it to any degree except by taking away her computer for a week (which is what we did). I won’t compromise her privacy, but if she leaves something up on her screen with profane language and sexual innuendo on it, I will act. How do I KNOW that she is safe?????????

Bill Lenner November 10, 2007 · 2:07 pm

Donna Lee,
I don’t want to sound confrontational, but one of the advantages to online is the ability to walk away from situations.

This capability keeps us safe, not only physically, but mentally (psychologically?).

Too many of us are trapped in situations in which are emotionally abusive (and this can include children’s relationships with their parents).

If you read the article about abortion the other day, you would see that many Americans are afraid to even respond to polls honestly about being in favor of abortion being legal.

That says a great deal about our real life relationship problems on a massive scale, and, in that case, it’s very politically motived.

Knowing that, I think we can see that a little online anonymity and ability to walk away from contacts is a blessing.

Liz Margoshes, Ph.D. November 12, 2007 · 10:43 am

I was heartened to see this article. I wanted to add that online socializing can be particularly beneficial to kids (and adults) who have some inhibitions or other difficulties in face-to-face socialization.

You could say that internet socializing isn’t “real,” or you could say that it can serve as a bridge for practicing social skills that can translate to f2f interactions.

I joined a message board called ECHO (echonyc.com) in 1990 (It was and still is text-only,no ads.) I met real friends and even a real husband “there.” I am still “there” after 17 years. My Echo relationships are as real as any others I’ve formed in “real life” situations.

As a therapist I’ve seen many many people with social difficulties form real relationships on the internet, where there is much less shame engendered about all sorts of issues. For one of thousands of examples, you can visit neurodiversity.com to read hundreds of discussions among individuals (many adolescents) who fall on the autism spectrum. In “mainstream” life I think it would be next-to impossible for these sorts of deep interactions to develop. Internet communication is actually miraculous for a not-insignificant number of individuals who have difficulties with the more subtle aspects of non-verbal communication. The internet provides a kind of leveling field for many.

I also agree with the writer that the current focus on “predators” is way overblown. It is possible to talk to a child about not giving out personal information, not responding to certain types of inquiries about onesself, etc. You have to be careful everywhere!

Also the article touches on an excellent point about the oppotunity for groups of kids of varying racial background to communicate.

Nathan Newman November 12, 2007 · 8:42 pm

As usual, Ill keep it short and sweet: If parents are concerned about their kids getting into trouble online, maybe they should spend more time w/ them and less time themselves online flirting and cheating.

Dr. Ashish Manohar Urkude November 13, 2007 · 4:50 am

A good article.
It is always said that, if you count your age and the friends you have then you realize how much social and likable you are.
Teenagers are increasingly becoming social across the globe and there are cross culture, cross national friends across the world.
This generation has become so smart that within few months they come to know which is fake email and fake email ID or fake identity. It is just due to Internet Socializing.
Hence, there is no harm in it till it goes beyond certain limit. My students keep chatting, emailing and many waste time in convincing other side about something for hours. Many spent whole night in convincing their friends, this could be alarming.
Thus, there are positives and negatives in Internet Socializing.
Positives could be growing communication skills, expansion of horizons, broadening friend circle, knowledge updating, loving the work you do, knowledge about cross culture and contrasting living styles and still managing to maintain friendship in this hyper competitive environment. It could be useful in long run of life.
There are many points which are put on my blog:
//managementengineering.blogspot.com/2007/10/social-networking-and-interpersonal.html

Dr. Ashish Manohar Urkude

Eli Clover, PhD. November 17, 2007 · 2:02 pm

What you all are missing, is the fact that these sites dump huge numbers of SPYWARE & TRACKING Programs on these kids (and/or thier parents) computers. What I want to know is this: Who do these companies sell the information that they ‘collect’ to? How is this ‘hijacked’ information used? So many kids (and adults) are deluded into believing that these companies are providing this ‘service’ out of the goodness of thier hearts. This in my mind, is a real, and unchecked threat for our children. Also, the term “friends” is highly mis/over-used. I’ve observed that (online) many kids don’t seem to know the difference between friends, aquaintences, family, or just a face in the crowd.

J. Greene November 20, 2007 · 1:29 pm

Anyone can learn a lot by socializing online because of the educational experience of meeting people from different cultures and walks of life.

It can be especially useful to teens to be able to interact with other adults online in addition to their peers. There are many mixed-age online activities, such as games, fan groups, and so forth, and it’s not unusual to find oneself talking to someone half (or twice!) your age.

On the whole, we grownups are decent people who will keep an eye out for a kid and speak up if they are being careless about protecting their information or doing something that might lead to trouble, acting like a kindly neighbor or mentor. This can be useful when adolescent rebellion is fully in force, and can be a lifeline if something is going on and the kid is afraid to tell anyone.

It goes without saying that a responsible adult who chats with a teen online identifies themselves as an adult and is always willing to speak to their parents.

I personally am a stickler about this–when a twelve year old instant messaged me (we were mutual fans of a television show), I insisted on speaking to his mother so that she knew he was chatting with me. She and I ended up becoming friends and the now-seventeen-year-old son comes out for a visit every summer.

Many of my online friendships have turned into real-life ones, my roomates like to joke that I could make a world tour at this point and not have to pay for even one night at a hotel.

Even better, it isn’t all that far from the truth!

Edward Chuah November 21, 2007 · 9:00 am

I personally feel that teenage children should be given the chance to experience on line friendship or chat…but subject to the parents and children’s mutual agrement that no personal details be given in their profile and realistically should be having friends from another country to avoid predators that slowly fish info over time during their chats.
Children should have their desktops or surfing net in the common ares/open ares…NOT solely in their rooms alone. Certain anti-porn software should be installed as part of the mutual agrement between children and parents. This has to be openly and professionally discussed with them. They will understand and will not feel shy that parents have some trust in them…
Of course once a while parents should spot check into their recent websites they visit or the history folder. Such monitoring is essential until they reach 18…at least..
after that it’s impossible to curtail…
show them some real reports or incidents that happened in the media and the consequences some other children had experienced …
well thanks for reading.

brandi November 21, 2007 · 12:44 pm

umm u do not spell MySpace like that u dont space it okay jeez if ur going to do this do it right

zeishiky November 26, 2007 · 10:35 pm

I wonder how a parent or Doctor can advise the use of Internet further than for studies, research or work purposes. Adolescents or adults do not overcome their socialization problems by going online, but they learn instead how to play a role or in other words use a mask to cover who they really are.
According to research US people its striking over rest of world (except from Korea where youth its now being treated in camps specifically designed to cure internet addiction) with Internet addiction.
Traditional way of relating is being replaced by technology, I would like to know from people that uses the Internet for relating,how much effort they are making to get to really know their neighourghs, their classmates, the people they meet everyday at the park, wherever they go.. the people with whom they play sports..If our children same that ourselves would really committ to strengthen bonds with all that people that cross their life,they wouldnt really have time to go to internet to “socialize” sitting hours in front of a computer..
How do you see the future for your children..? Sitting maybe hours ,in front of a pc searching for “Friends”, or under a blue sky ,working in deepening their actual frienships, learning in real life , face to face how to become friend with whom life is bringing close to them…

Internet ? yes wonderful tool…lets leave it for studies..research and work…we dont want to end using a remote control to setup a date…

John Ping November 27, 2007 · 8:35 pm

I’m worried that participating in this discussion is keeping me from having real discussions in the real world.

Jesse R December 11, 2007 · 6:51 pm

This is what we always knew, but the media has tried to scare us out of believing. We are at far more danger from those we know, than complete strangers.

Laurie Siegel January 1, 2008 · 1:21 pm

Like most currents topics of controversy, I tend to ramble on, irrespective of ambivalence or strong opinion favoring one view. This time I’ll keep it short and sweet, simply stating that establishing eye contact and reading body language is essential for human interaction and connectivity – the earlier the better. Sitting in front of a computer, creating friendships or relationships based on words and pictures (often deceptive), assuming you will meet eventually, is kind of like being naked and unprepared for a test at the same time. But then again, being an adult ADDer, that would likely be the case scenario, even if the interaction initiated face to face. What’s most disturbing, is the fact that it took 2 hours just to “keep it short and simple.”

Patrick M July 19, 2008 · 1:48 am

I think that the idea that parents should talk to their children about how to stay safe on the internet is laughable, children these days know far more about the internet and computers than their parents do (with some obvious exceptions). Everyone knows not to give out information online – and how to get rid of unwanted spyware and trackers. That’s because we use computers – we are not afraid of people who have no idea who we are, how old we are, or where we are and are separated from us by thousands of miles. It’s ridiculous to worry about this when it’s more likely you will be grabbed off the street in broad daylight outside your house!

Sophia August 13, 2008 · 4:26 pm

Being a teen myself, I can see the benefits of it. Socializing online has made me a lot more confident of myself, and what I can do, because people aren’t constantly judging me. I’ve published stories online, debated online, talked to people who have similar interests to me, and this all came at a time when I had really low self esteem and the people I chatted to online, helped me get myself back up.
But my parents have never understood this, and I want to get adults to understand the wonders that online socializing CAN do for teens.

Jennifer-Anne September 12, 2009 · 2:20 pm

Valid point, Nathan, but I don’t think it’s as simple as that.

Carmen D December 8, 2009 · 5:53 am

This is a very important matter and I agree that parents should be aware of the danger that Internet represents for their children. I am very scared when I think about my own children, the things that might happen to them.

Derek Mitchell June 4, 2011 · 2:25 am

In the article “Online Socializing: Safer Than You think?” Sara Parker-Pope believes that social networks such as Facebook have more advantages for children then disadvantages. Parker-Pope states “the benefits of online interaction may far outweigh the risks”. She goes on to say that kids learn to socialize online, and can talk about issues they would be too embarrassed to talk about in person. This may be true in a sense, but social networks are highly addictive and will lead kids to be online more and more.
On the other side of Parker-Pope’s argument she seems to only face “predators” as the only risk of online interaction among teens. This assumption is an understatement. Many people don’t understand just how dangerous social networks can be when it comes to being subjected to sexual predators. It is easy for someone to say they are someone they are not and try to real kids into their traps and that is scary. Not only are teens at risk of predators while online socializing, but there are more physical and psychological issues that can arise.
Online bullying is everywhere and the effects it has on your child can be critical. If a kid gets a comment saying they are ugly or stupid, they might actually believe their peer even if the statement is untrue. This can create self-esteem issues. My main concern is the emotional damage could lead to physical damage. These issues can be life-threatening to your child, so why risk it? If you want to risk it, you could be leading your child into severe depression or worse, suicide.
People who are emotionally damaged are at higher risk of physically harming themselves. Suicide is the third leading cause of death among teens. According to Wikipedia, in 2004 there were four-thousand suicides in Americans ages fifteen to twenty-four. They state that “this is the biggest annual increase that we’ve seen in fifteen years.” It’s pretty disturbing to hear about suicides in general, but it’s even more upsetting to hear about teenage suicide. Suicide due to online bullying is the biggest negative effect of the internet.
Kids who spend a majority of their time on social networks can eat less nutritious meals. If a kid wants to do nothing but check their Facebook, they might resort to the quicker type of meal. Processed foods are highly unhealthy and can lead children to become overweight. Eating these types of foods can make your child’s brain function less than normal, therefore putting your children’s education at risk.
Social networks can also have a negative impact on a child’s education by the kids being online during their free time instead of doing homework. I am sure that most parents wouldn’t allow their kids to slack off on their homework, but most kids would argue to the end to try and get out of it. Spending all of their time on social networks can lead to a lack of motivation in a successful career. In the end keeping a close relationship with your kids and monitoring how much time they spend on the internet will benefit your child.
Some people think that social networks help keep personal relationships; this is true when it comes to long distance friendships but there is a dark side to this theory. When people communicate using only the internet, they can start losing personal contact. Once people get use to the idea of only using the internet for communication, they might not communicate well in social settings. Communication on the internet is completely different than face-to-face communication.
On the internet you can express yourself in any way you want. There are a lot of teenage girls that seem to think that they should act like they are older than they are and this can be a problem. Gregory A. Butler states “online, these young women have a safe place where they’re free to explore their sexuality”. As true as it might sound, it’s a huge understatement. On social networks you can post whatever kind of pictures you want, for the whole world to see. Teenagers have the ability to post not so modest pictures and attract not so safe people.
Parents might argue that their children can block people or set their profile to private. If kids are allowed to go on social networks, then parents should definitely have to set the kids privacy settings. But what happens if your child gets a friend request from someone that says they are someone that they aren’t? The series on Dateline NBC called “To Catch A Predator” comes to my attention when I think of this. The show is about an undercover team that gets on the internet claiming to be an underage teenager when in reality they are all undercover police officers. Many people have been caught trying to meet up with the “underage” teenager to have sexual encounters. Sometimes these predators were completely different from the person they described on the internet. On the internet, you can be whoever you want to be because there is no one around to know who you really are. So how do we make the social network safer for our children?
If families were more active in each other’s lives, then they would be less prone to risks that social networks have. If parents were to play a more active role in their child’s life they wouldn’t have time for social networking. Parents could monitor what their children are doing on social networks by making an account that you and your child have access to. Another thing to think about is how much time your children spend on the internet. Engage your children in more family time such as family game night or movie night. If you did so they would have less time on the computer. Now that you know some of the negative aspects of social networking, the rest is up to you.