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304 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 10, 2014
I obsess about ways that I could catch AIDS. I compulsively check to make sure I haven't caught HIV and I steer my behaivor to make sure I don't catch it in future. I see HIV everywhere. It lurks on toothbrushes and towels, taps and telephones. I wipe cups and bottles, hate sharing drinks and cover every scrape and graze with multiple plasters. My compulsions can demand that after a scratch from a rusty nail or a piece of glass, I return to wrap it in absorbent paper and check for drops of contaminated blood that may have been there ... My rational self knows that these fears are ridiculous. I know that I can't catch AIDS in those situations. But still the thoughts and the anxiety come.
It's not often possible to cure OCD in the conventional sense. Even on the drugs and after [behavior therapy], if they work, then for most people it's a bit like being a recovering alcoholic. You are always a certain number of days past your most recent obsessive-compulsive episode. You are always one drink from disaster. Most people with OCD can't be cured, but they can be helped to manage their condition and they can be helped to feel better. In many cases, they can feel much better. I feel much better. But I will probably always have OCD. The psychiatrists who helped me have warned that it will be a lifelong struggle.