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BELGIUM INTRODUCES BILL TO ANNEX FLORIDA, CITES “CULTURAL COMPATIBILITY”
Brussels, January 2026
In a bold display of transatlantic cooperation, the Belgian Chamber of Representatives today unveiled The Florida Accession and Waffle Integration Act, formally proposing that the U.S. state of Florida become Belgium’s 12th province.
The bill’s sponsor, MP Jean-Luc Van Der Schröck, explained the move was inspired by “recent American enthusiasm for geographically whimsical statehood proposals.”
“When we saw a U.S. congressman confidently propose absorbing Greenland — a territory 4,000 kilometers away, owned by Denmark, populated by Inuit, and not remotely interested — we thought: Ah. This is the tone now.”
Why Florida?
According to the bill’s findings:
• Florida already has Belgium-adjacent weather, if Belgium were on fire
• The state demonstrates strong resistance to science, a value Belgium once held in the 1600s
• Florida voters show a “remarkable tolerance for administrative chaos,” aligning perfectly with EU bureaucracy
• Both regions have waffles, though Belgium insists Florida’s version “will be re-educated”
Governance Plan
Under the proposal:
• Florida will be governed as “Flandria-Sud-Ouest-Très-Confus”
• Ron DeSantis will be offered an honorary role as Minister of Vibes, with no authority
• Disney World will be converted into EU Committee Offices, increasing happiness by 0% but paperwork by 600%
• English will remain an official language, but all legal documents must also be available in Dutch, French, German, and Sarcasm
Economic Justification
Belgian economists note Florida’s economy is already heavily dependent on:
• Tourism
• Real estate speculation
• Elderly people refusing to leave
• Vibes rather than facts
“Frankly,” the report states, “it’s a natural fit.”
Response to Expected Objections
When asked whether Florida consented to this proposal, Van Der Schröck replied:
“Consent? Oh. Is that required now?”
He then added:
“We assumed this was a vibes-based annexation. That seems to be the American model.”
Message to U.S. Congress
The bill concludes with a special dedication:
“To Congressman Randy Fine of Florida:
Thank you for teaching the world that geography is optional, sovereignty is a suggestion, and confidence is a substitute for thinking.”
Next Steps
Belgium will now:
• Send Florida a ceremonial chocolate box
• Declare victory
• Await absolutely no response
• Move on with its life
The European Union has already issued a statement saying it “has concerns,” which means nothing will happen for at least 12 years.
ADDENDUM: HISTORICAL CLARIFICATION (REQUIRED BY EU LAW)
Following feedback from people who know things, the Belgian Chamber wishes to clarify that:
Belgium did not exist in the 1600s.
At the time, the territory now known as Belgium was:
• Spanish
• Austrian
• Briefly French
• Religiously confused
• Constantly occupied
• And still better at waffles than Florida
Therefore, the phrase “values Belgium once held in the 1600s” has been updated to read:
“values enthusiastically demonstrated by whichever foreign power happened to be occupying Belgium at the time.”
This correction does not affect the bill’s conclusions, tone, or level of respect for geography.
Further Historical Notes
• Belgium formally came into existence in 1830, after deciding it had had enough
• This makes Belgium older than most U.S. statehood proposals currently circulating Congress
• It is also still younger than the concept of “maybe don’t annex random places”
Statement from the Ministry of Accuracy
“We regret the error.
We regret nothing else.”
The annexation of Florida remains theoretically valid, morally flexible, and legally imaginary.
Thank you for your patience.
Please enjoy your chocolate.